Chapter One Kill Me Now When I imagined my funeral, this wasn't what I had in mind. First of all, I hoped I would be old, a stately ninetysomething who'd earned the right to be called elegant; a woman with an intimate circle of loved ones fanned out in front of her, their tender sorrow connecting them like lace. I definitely hoped to be in a far more beautiful place--a stone chapel by the sea, perhaps, with pounding purple-gray waves drowning out mourners' sobs. For no apparent reason--I'm not even Scottish--there would be wailing bagpipes, men in Campbell tartan, and charmingly reserved grandchildren, or even great-grandchildren, coaxed into reciting their own sweet poetry. I don't know where the children's red curls come from, since my hair is chemically enhanced blond and straight as a ruler. The bereaved--incredibly, those weepy old souls are my own kids--dab away tears with linen handkerchiefs, though on every other occasion they have used only tissues. The service takes place shortly before sunset in air fragrant with lilacs. Spring. At least where I grew up, in the Chicago suburbs, that's what lilacs signify: the end of a long winter, life beginning anew. I didn't expect to be here, in a cavernous, dimly lit Manhattan synagogue. I didn't expect to be surrounded by at least four hundred people, a good three hundred of whom I don't recall talking to even once. Most of all, I didn't expect to be young. Well, maybe some people don't think thirty-five is young, but I do. It's far too young to die, because while my story isn't quite at the beginning, it isn't at the end, either. Except that it is. She's dead, all those bodies in the pews must be thinking. Depressing. On that last count, they would be wrong. In fact, if the congregation knew my whole story--and I hope they will, eventually, because I need people on my side, not on his, and especially not on hers--it would be clear that I, Molly Divine Marx, have not lost my joie de vivre. On that point, I speak the truth. "She would be here if she could," he says. "She would be here if she could." That's Rabbi Strauss Sherman, pontificating over to my right. I wish he were the twinkly junior rabbi whose adult ed classes I kept telling myself I should take, not that I am--was--keen on the music of Jews in Uganda. But the speaker is the senior rabbi, the one who says everything twice, like an echo, though it stopped short of being profound the first time. I suppose I should get off on the fact that he's the big-shot rabbi invited to homes of people who contribute gigabucks and, thus, rate succulent, white-meat honors on holidays. I wonder if Barry, my husband, made sure Rabbi S.S. spoke today just to stick it to me, since whenever he gave a sermon I'd squirm and mutter, "Kill me now." I'd hate to think God decided on payback. I realize I am not being kind about either Rabbi S.S. or the heartsick husband. Barry's sizable schnozz is chapped from crying, and I caught more than a few people noticing as he discreetly swiped his nose on the sleeve of his black suit, soft worsted in a fine cut. Armani? they're wondering. Not a chance. It is a close facsimile purchased at an outlet center near Milan, but if they took it for Armani, Barry would be glad. That was the general idea. Perhaps some women in the pews wonder what I'm dressed in. The casket is closed--talk about a bad hair day--but I am being buried in a red dress. Okay, it's more of a burgundy, but one thing that's putting a smile on my face (only metaphorically, unfortunately) is that for all eternity I will get to wear this dress, which cost way too much, even 40 percent off at Barneys, where I rarely shop because it's Excerpted from The Late, Lamented Molly Marx: A Novel by Sally Koslow All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.