Verdict: Even insiders (as opposed to outsiders) will benefit from Felder's communication wisdom. Highly recommended for popular psychology collections. Background: Using examples from his clients and stories of famous outsiders, clinical psychologist Felder (When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People) makes positive suggestions for those feeling excluded from inner circles. According to the author, outsiders, instead of trying hard to conform or feeling slighted, should strive to be objective students of human behavior. After discussing why it's uncomfortable to be on the outside, Felder lists benefits: outsiders often provide different but essential perspectives, come up with creative solutions, and have the freedom to speak out and take risks. In well-written chapters with easy-to-remember points, Felder covers mistakes outsiders make, outlines skills for improving communication at work and at home, gives strategies for coping with cliques, and offers creative options for finding (not always making) peace in family situations. Other sections advise what to do when your ideas are not accepted, how to help other outsiders, and how to create a circle of supportive friends or substitute family. Scripts are given for defusing difficult situations, managing stress, and immunizing yourself from words and phrases that trigger frustration.--Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Felder, an author (When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People) and psychologist, culls his years of practice with "outsiders"-including artists, environmentalists, celebrities-to offer a survival guide for the creative individual "cut out of the loop" in any number of situations, especially at work and with family. Felder examines trailblazers like Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, singer Macy Gray, Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who faced ridicule, loneliness and exclusion ultimately to have thrived. In chapters like "The Biggest Mistakes Most Outsiders Make," Felder focuses on overcoming self-destructive tendencies (chip on the shoulder, overcompensation), understanding your strengths as an individual, and curbing the desire to please others. Because people tend to remember "vividly... the exact details of slights and criticisms," a single painful "outsider" experience can cause unwarranted emotional stress in a similar situation. To "get beyond the pain," Felder offers practical but insightful coping strategies and exercises, questionnaires and meditations to build self-awareness and empowerment, and to accept the reality of toxic coworkers or relatives. Compassionate and practical throughout, Felder also includes chapters on effectively mentoring other outsiders and forming a support network. (Oct.) Copyright 2008 Reed Business Information.