Instead of striving to be sexy to fulfill the desires of others, women need to explore their own sexuality, writes Solomon (psychology, Northwestern Univ.; Loving Bravely) in this deep dive into the messages most women hear about sex growing up. The author advises readers to turn the "I shoulds" to "I want" and shows women how to be mindfully present during sex and to create situations with their partners that are safe and playful. While concentrating on sexy as a state of mind, Solomon also addresses the physical and erotic components of intercourse. VERDICT A welcome read for women looking to explore more adventurous, impassioned sexual lives.

Psychologist Solomon (Loving Bravely) empowers and enlightens in this manual that encourages women to accept and control their sexuality. Dividing her lessons into three sections--"Preparing for the Journey," "The Journey to Sexual Self-Awareness," and "Your Sexy Is Here to Stay" --Solomon packs valuable advice, touching on such topics as giving consent, hookups, and self-compassion. Quoting Maya Angelou--"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better"--she counsels women to reexamine their long-held beliefs about sex and relationships, inviting them to understand that some of those beliefs--religious hang-ups and self-judgment among them--are damaging. Like a wise older sister or a trusted friend, Solomon illustrates how to move from fear to love with meditations, creative writing ("write an erotic short story"), and mental exercises (ask, "at which point in the day do you feel most connected to Your Sexy"). She also tackles the topic of sexual traumas and the poison they inject into relationships, and encourages experimentation and sexual fantasies as tools to learn one's own sexuality. "Joyful sex rests on risk, self-compassion, and trust," she writes. Solomon proves to be a savvy, empathetic voice in this educational and inspiring guide. (Feb.)