Scared selfless : my journey from abuse and madness to surviving and thriving
Michelle Stevens has a photo of the exact moment her childhood was stolen from her. In it, she's only eight years old and posing for her mother's beguiling boyfriend, Gary Lundquist--an elementary school teacher, neighborhood stalwart, and brutal pedophile. Later that night, Gary locks Michelle in a cage, tortures her repeatedly, and uses her to quench his voracious and deviant sexual whims. Michelle can also pinpoint the moment she reconstituted the splintered pieces of her life. Just a few years after being confined to a mental hospital and at the mercy of an alternate personality who kept trolling for sadistic men, she's in cap and gown receiving her Ph.D. in psychology--and the university's award for best dissertation. The distance between these two points is the improbable journey from torture, loss, and mental illness to recovery that is Michelle Stevens's powerful memoir, Scared Selfless. Gary Lundquist kept Michelle as his sex slave for six years. During that time, he waged a campaign of unimaginable cruelty. He pimped her out to countless men for prostitution and forced her to perform in 'kiddie porn' when it was legal and shown in Times Square. It took fifteen years, three hospitalizations, and multiple suicide attempts for Michelle to work through Gary's dark legacy. She suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and developed multiple personalities. There was 'Chelsey,' the rebellious teenager who told her boss to shove it; 'Vicious,' a tween with homicidal rage; and 'Sarah,' a sweet little girl who brought her teddy bear on a first date. In this harrowing yet unflinching look at her own experience, Michelle, who was inspired to help others heal by becoming a psychotherapist, sheds light on the all-too-real threat of child sexual abuse and the psychological effects on its victims and best methods for healing, based on her own struggle with PTSD and dissociative identity disorder (more commonly known as multiple personality disorder). Scared Selfless is an examination at the extraordinary--and inexplicable--feats of the mind in the face of unspeakably horrifying trauma and the story of Michelle's courageous road to healing, recovery, and triumph
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| Genre |
| Biographies. Autobiographies. Case studies. |
- ISBN: 9780399173387
-
Physical Description
print
292 pages ; 24 cm - Publisher New York : G.P. Putnam's Sons, [2017]
- Copyright ©2017
Content descriptions
| Bibliography, etc. Note: | Includes bibliographical references. |
| Formatted Contents Note: | Introduction: Miracle on Geary Street -- Part I. Abuse -- Stalin's Chicken -- The Pied Piper -- Story of M -- Tricks are for Kids -- Part II. Consequences -- Scared Selfless -- Tommy, Can You Hear Me? -- Rebel Without a Core -- The Village Idiot -- Part III. Healing -- Daze of My Life -- Searching for Judd Hirsch -- All You Need Is Love -- The Many Faces of Me. |
Additional Information
Kirkus Review
Scared Selfless : My Journey from Abuse and Madness to Surviving and Thriving
Kirkus Reviews
Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
A psychologist recounts the sexual abuse/enslavement she suffered as a child and how she overcame its horrific effects on her life as a teenager and an adult.Stevens was 8 years old when Gary Lundquist came into her life. A primary schoolteacher and toystore owner, his apparent interest was in the author's impoverished, poorly educated mother. But shortly after the pair began dating, Lundquist declared his intention to develop a "special relationship" with Stevens and took the child home with her mother's consent. There, he began to "train" her as a sex slave whom he also prostituted to other equally sadistic pedophiles. The abuse, which Stevens could not articulate to her mother, continued for six years. Forced into silence about her double life, the author developed physical symptoms, including paralyzing headaches, dizziness, and nosebleeds, and she tried to commit suicide. At this time, she developed dissociative identity disorder, and two of her multiple personalities"Mooch," who was outgoing and fearless, and "Michelle," who was shy and quietbegan to form. But it was not until the end of college that Stevens experienced her first "body hijacking" by one of her personalities. Unable to remember what happened during these "hijackings" or the traumas she had suffered as a child sex slave, she searched desperately for answers while continuing to suffer bouts of debilitating, often suicidal depression. In the end, it was the empathetic, nonjudgmental kindness of a dedicated therapistwho later became Stevens' professional role modelthat saved her life and gave her the courage to begin the journey toward psychological health. Courageous and insightful, Stevens' book is not only important for the light it sheds on some of the effects of extreme sexual abuse. It also provides hope to survivors that living "a successful and satisfying life" is absolutely possible. A raw and powerful account from a survivor of unspeakable abuse. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
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